


there’s nothing left

by tyzvlas



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Canon Compliant, Childbirth, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:02:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28890306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyzvlas/pseuds/tyzvlas
Summary: Historia lays dying on her childbirth bed, and she remember’s Ymir’s one regret. She has her own regrets, too.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir
Comments: 1
Kudos: 61





	there’s nothing left

At first the pain was sharp. A light flick into her gut, but as it tore through her it grew deeper and deeper. Her flesh ripped in half and fell limp from the bone, and all she could hear was a ringing. The pain felt faint after a while, as it became so intense and shock began to take over her body. A child’s cries sounded from across the room, and beads of sweat dripped heavily from her forehead. The pain muffled the sounds through the room, and she could just barely make out a question from a man holding her hand as she lay there dying. The bleeding felt like it was coming from everywhere, and soon it trickled from her mouth. Her breathing became deeper, and faster, as her body was wracked by spasms. Eventually they ceased and a wave of peace fell over her body. Her eyes were foggy, and she could only make out small shapes surrounding her. A hand pushed her hair from her forehead. She could feel panic throughout the room, and it spread to her. The deep breaths became more sharp, less air coming into her lungs with each feeble gasp through her mouth. A burst of energy shot through her heart and she jerked up in the bed, and found her white shift completely red. A doctor tried pushing her down, but with what little energy she still possessed, she tried to push him away. Her mind cried out, “Ymir!” and the name made its way to her lips. She didn’t have the mind to realize that Ymir was still dead. Eaten, and gone. The father of her child was at her side, the man she chose to marry for the good of her people. Ymir…

He was never Ymir. 

A needle found its way into her arm, and blackness fell over her. She woke in a sandy clearing, a dark blue sky with paths of green and aqua stretched before her. She looked down, and the bloody silk wasn’t covering her torn body. Instead, she was a child again. “Freida?” She called, to no avail. Her hands clapped over her small mouth. _Who is Freida?_ She thought. 

Another small girl appeared before her. She had a plain face with freckles, tanned skin, and brown hair that framed her face. She was taller, by at least a head. 

“Who’s Freida,” the other girl asked, rubbing sleepy eyes. The taller girl’s stomach growled. 

She handed the other child some bread she found in her pocket, and watched as she shyly ate it. There was a familiarity about her that felt like _home_. “I don’t know who Freida is.” 

The taller girl finished the bread. “Then why were you saying her name? Obviously you know who she is. Tell me!” The tall girl became pushy and got in the other girl’s face. “Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, _tell me!_ ”

The taller girl pushed her down, and she fell right back to where she started. This time though, she looked down and didn’t see a child’s body.

“Krista!” A voice in the distance called out. She looked up to see Ymir running towards her, but not getting any closer. 

“Ymir!” Tears began streaming freely as she remembered the letter Ymir had written her so long ago. Ymir’s only regret was not marrying her. She fell to the ground in a heap, screaming and sobbing and hitting the ground with her fists, tearing up the sandy ground beneath her. Ymir was still running, still not getting any closer. “Ymir…” she whispered again, sniffling and burning her face into the ground. 

Ymir had stopped running, and reached her hand out to her, but when it seemed like their fingertips would touch, Ymir faded away. She heard a whisper of her name. Her eyes opened to a doctor leaning over her, and her husband rubbing her forehead. When the pain came back, so did the ringing. She heard some words through the ringing. “Name,” and “girl,” were said over the muffle of shock. 

“Name?” Historia called out. 

Her husband clenched her hand tighter, and she mumbled a small protest before his sweaty lips were on hers. “You have to name our child, dear. It’s a girl.”

Historia blurted out the only name that came to mind. The only name that had been on her mind for four years. 

“Is that...a traditionally royal name, your grace,” the doctor asked, pressing a cold cloth to her forehead. 

Historia propped herself up on an elbow. “Where is my daughter?” 

A wet nurse ran over with the child in her arms, carefully handing the girl to Historia. The baby already had wisps of golden hair on her head, and her barely opened eyes were a light blue. Historia cried, not out of the ecstasy of being a mother, but she cried to mourn for her daughter, who would grow up with no mother. Just just she did. 

“Please tell her that I love her every day, alright?” Her husband's frantic eyes searched her face. 

He rested his hand on her stomach, his slight touch sending waves of pain through her body. “No...no, you’re not going to die, Historia. You’re going to be alright.” She smiled at the man. She never loved him, she couldn’t. She was never able to like men in that way, but some part of her did care for him. 

Historia’a hand found his cheek. “Tell her that I’m sorry I’m so much like my mother, leaving her like this. Tell my Ymir that I didn’t want to leave her too soon.” Historia stopped crying for a minute and widened her eyes. “And please... _please_ don’t let Eren Jaeger get his hands on her. Promise me all of that, okay? And make sure she grows up loved. And marry again, a nice woman that’ll be a good mom to Ymir.” Her husband had to answer, he just stared with his lips parted slightly. “ _Promise me_.”

He nodded and took Ymir from her arms as she started to sob again, screaming and cursing God for handing this sick fate to her. Having to leave another Ymir in the hands of a man. Once Ymir left her arms, the pain was there again. Ymir had torn through her body, and she knew that she was beyond the point of saving. She just hoped that it would stop soon and every pain she ever knew would be over. She wished she could do so much more. She wished she could stop Eren from destroying the scouts. She wished she could thank Mikasa, not really for anything in particular, but just for being there for everyone in the 104th. She wanted to see Levi again, to tell him that he had been a better father to her in the short time he was responsible for her safety than Rod had been to her since she was born. She wished to hear another joke from Connie, and see Sasha respond with a burp or her intoxicating laughter. Most of all, she wished to make Reiner pay for Ymir. She wished to see the look on his face as he died for everything he ever did to her. She spelled out all of her regrets in her mind as the blackness engulfed her one last time, and she prayed that her daughter would know that she had given her the name of the person she 

loved the most in this world.

***

Hange was the first person to greet her. “Hange...what?” 

Hange smiled. “Eren caught me. I stayed behind so the others could get away.” Historia looked around frantically. She heard a familiar laugh. 

“Krista! Er- my queen.” Sasha bowed, then engulfed Historia in a hug. “It’s so good to see you again. I mean it’s not good that you’re dead, that blows, but I missed you!” Historia returned the hug and smiled, tears streaking her cheeks. 

Historia looked around some more. All of her fallen comrades were there, all but one. Marco smiled at her, Moblit and Hange were walking off somewhere laughing about God knows what. “I thought I would see her.” She shrank to the floor, and wrapped her arms around her knees. 

Nanaba found Historia sulking. “Why do you look so miserable in heaven, Krista? It’s literally _heaven_.” Historia giggled. 

“I don’t know I just...expected Ymir to be here is all.” If Ymir wasn’t there...it was all for nothing. She gave up on her daughter for nothing. 

Nanaba took her hand. “I think I know where she might be.”

She took Historia to a pit with translucent people walking around, seeming lost, looking for something. “Are they-“

“Lost souls. They’re all looking for someone who’s still alive or…” Nanaba looked down and Historia understood. 

She looked at face after face, but none of them belonged to Ymir. She took a closer look at one of the souls wearing a survey corps uniform. “Bertholdt!” She nearly reached for him before remembering that all of this…Ymir...was his fault. 

“Poor bastard,” a voice sounded behind her. She didn’t need to turn around, she just let the tan hand fall on her shoulder. “He didn’t think he was doing anything wrong. Don’t blame him. I chose to go.”

Historia whipped around and pushed Ymir the dirt. Ymir smiled back up at her. “You promised me! You said we would live our true lives together! You...you _shit_ ! I took my name back, I kept up our part of the bargain! I loved you, Ymir! I never forgot about you, after all those years. All I did was mourn you, and it’s all your fault!” Historia kicked Ymir’s side and jumped on top of her, straddling the taller girl’s waist. Before she landed her blow, she moved her hand to hit the sandy ground. “You _bitch_ , I loved you, and you left me.”

Ymir sat up and pushed the hair from Historia’s face. “Why are you here so soon? You should’ve lived a long life.”

Historia let her hands fall to her sides. “I died giving birth to a baby girl.” Historia paused. “I named her Ymir.”

“Still...you could’ve lived. I can feel that there’s some life left in you, you could’ve fought to stay alive...why didn’t you?”

Historia rolled her eyes. “You big idiot. You were never the smartest.” She pulled Ymir’s sleeve and placed her arm on her waist. She kissed the taller girl’s forehead, and Ymir’s head bent to accept it. Historia’s hands moved to Ymir’s cheeks, wiping the tear away from Ymir’s eye with her thumb. Finally, she pulled Ymir in and placed her lips against hers. At first, Ymir didn’t react, but when she realized what was happening...what was _finally_ happening, she gripped Historia’s waist tighter, pulling her in and moving her other hand to tangle it in her blonde locks. She pulled the cord from Historia’s hair, and she let it fall down her back. Ymir’s lips finally parted, and Historia smiled and bit her lip. 

“I love you, Historia.” A wave of happiness fell over her hearing her real name spoken by the lips she’d been silently begging to kiss her since she was twelve. 

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> it’s 1 in the morning and i just spent about two hours writing this bc i started crying over them and needed to get it out. anyways idk if i’ll write more ymir and historia bc they make me so upset but i really miss them


End file.
